Why I haven’t done this before…

Well, I have. But now is a bit different..

Back in 2003 my 2nd son was born. We found out early on that he was sensitive to some foods– namely dairy. So even though he was breastfeeding, my wife had to cut dairy out of her diet. A few months later I read Fast Food Nation, and although it wasn’t eye-opening (I had known about the status of our nation’s meat industry) it did kindle the spark of taking back my life. I weighed 380 at the time.

We went vegetarian (Ovo-pesco) and I started walking. I walked for three miles at least five days a week, slowly increasing until I was up to six miles. I dropped thirty pounds. And then I stopped.

I can’t tell you why, I don’t remember.

So for the next 3 + years I’ve hovered between 325 and 345. Our diet has been refined as we became more aware of food sensitivities, both in my son and myself. Cut our dairy completely, as well as corn and soy.

And then it happened.

One night I was feeling cruddy so I went to bed just as The Colbert Report started. My wife came into our room about fifteen minutes later and I startled awake (not uncommon for me, ever since my days as a firefighter.) My heart was pounding, as it did whenever I was startled awake. But something was different– My heart rate would not come down. I practiced controlled breathing, got a glass of water, and tried anything I could think of to slow my heart down. Nothing worked.

I panicked. I told my wife I needed to go to the hospital. This was it, I was having a heart attack. Even though I wasn’t feeling any pain or discomfort (other than the fast heart rate) I was convinced that I would never see my sons again. That didn’t help matters.

As it turned out, I wasn’t having a heart attack, my heart had somehow went into atrial fibrillation. I was pumped full of meds and by the next morning my heart rate was back to normal.

That was the final straw. Without being melodramatic, I’m not ready to leave this world yet. And the only I see growing insanely old with my wife is to drop this extra person I’m carrying with me. Of course it’s not like my wife (or other people) haven’t been telling me this for years, but I feel as if I’ve been given a notice to get it in gear or not at all.

It’s in gear.